Cast
Jamie

Name: Benjamin Timothy Halligan IV
First appearance: Comic #1
Age: 22
Occupation: Cook
Likes his women like he likes his coffee: Artfully presented.

Ellen

Name: Ellen Mary Boorsen
First appearance: Comic #1
Age: 25
Occupation: Computer Technician
Likes her men like she likes her coffee: Mentally stimulating.

Max

Name: Maxine Tabitha Fae Hellenberger
First appearance: Comic #22
Age: 24
Occupation: Veterinarian's assistant
Likes her sexual partners like she likes her coffee: First thing in the morning, and then ideally several more times over the course of the day.

Lily

Name: Lily Hammerschmidt
First appearance: Comic #40
Age: 30
Occupation: Computer Technician
Likes her men like she likes her coffee: Roasted, ground up, and soaked in boiling water.

Greg

Name: Gregory Allen Orange
First appearance: Comic #49
Age: 48
Occupation: Restaurant owner
Likes his women like he likes his coffee: Punctual.

Tim

Name: Tim Harold McClusky
First appearance: Comic #52
Age: 22
Occupation: Waiter
Likes his women like he likes his coffee: Realistically attainable.

Bruce

Name: Bruce Aaron King
First appearance: Comic #58
Age: 27
Occupation: Juice Master
Likes his women like he likes his coffee: Organic.

Wallace

Name: Wallace Wendell White
First appearance: Comic #62
Age: 28
Occupation: Graphic Designer
Likes his men like he likes his coffee: Strong, but sweet.

Simon

Name: Simon Quentin Wessel
First appearance: Comic #67
Age: 25
Occupation: Student
Likes his men like he likes his coffee: Extra-large.

Gina

Name: Regina April Ulrich
First appearance: Comic #70
Age: 31
Occupation: Computer Technician
Likes her men like she likes her herbal tea: Ostensibly good for her.

Nicole

Name: Nicole Geraldine Penn
First appearance: Comic #72
Age: 25
Occupation: Retail clerk
Likes her men like she likes her coffee: Small, sweet and pale.

Carol

Name: Carol Leah Ames
First appearance: Comic #77
Age: 26
Occupation: Teacher
Likes her paramours like she likes her beverages: Diverse.

Trent

Name: Trent Alexander Howard
First appearance: Comic #123
Age: 24
Occupation: Road Crew
Likes his women like he likes his coffee: Hairless.

???

Name: ???
First appearance: Comic #161
Age: ???
Occupation: ???
Likes his ??? like he likes ???: ???

Leonard

Name: Leonard Moses Dresden
First appearance: Comic #203
Age: 54
Occupation: Lawyer
Likes his women like he likes his coffee: Tall, blonde, available at Starbucks.

Cheryl

Name: Cheryl Rachel Ames
First appearance: Comic #259
Age: 26
Occupation: Police Officer
Likes her men like she likes her coffee: Accompanied by donuts.

Arnold

Name: Arnold Oskar Hellenberger
First appearance: Comic #357
Age: 56
Occupation: Manager
Likes his woman like he likes his coffee: Right where he left it.

Eric

Name: Eric Gordon McAllister
First appearance: Comic #443
Age: 22
Occupation: Cashier
Likes his women like he likes his coffee: However he can get'em.

Dr. Ho

Name: Dr. Stephen Ho
First appearance: Comic #502
Age: 46
Occupation: Doctor
Likes his woman like he likes his tea: hot, Asian, clear, and beneficial to his cardiovascular health.

Roscoe

Name: Roscoe Patrick Knight
First appearance: Comic #599
Age: 50
Occupation: Teacher
Likes his women like he likes his coffee: Black.

Ted

Name: Theodore Amadeus Peterson
First appearance: Comic #681
Age: 35
Occupation: Lawyer
Likes his women like he likes his coffee: for about five to twenty minutes.

John

Name: John Aaron Penn
First appearance: Comic #724
Age: 26
Occupation: N/A
Likes his woman like he likes his coffee: a single tenuous lifeline connecting him to the world.